Reality 101

 You get up to start your day. It's not early in the morning like most people your age, it's much later. You hop into your car that you bought through your savings made from your job, your personal business, yes you're a lucky star. You order something nice to eat, you have nice things to wear, life is pretty much organised, you have it all planned out and everything is in accordance, no sweat.
But it doesn't go that way for some others and i just realized. I found out some reality that someone didn't show up at work because of cash for transport, no jokes guys.Speaking of being grateful for small mercies.

The power of resilience paid off to a lady that sat beside me in a bus one fine day. "Abeg, how much be from here to Charity bustop" "Na N100, if you no get change abeg come down oh" "Haba, na N50 i dey enter am, i never pay N100" "Omo u go pay that N100 oh, we don dey inside bus since you no talk, na when we don dey almost reach u dey talk say na N50 u wan pay" "Oga i never pay N100 since i dey enter bus from here reach Charity, i no fit pay am oh". I sat waiting to see what would unfold. By now the driver who had angrily parked by the roadside joined in to attack and bully her with threats of pushing her out of the bus. She remained undaunted, not caring that she was dealing with brash people who weren't cultured. Surprisingly they dragged till she got to her bus top and the conductor and driver let her go. I was marvelled because most ladies would have given up and paid the balance, knowing how violent these people can be. Speaking of breaking free form the norm and being bold.

"I really thought i was going to get that contract, the team liked me, you know things have been gloomy for this my food business since i started. I thought this was it!" "Don't worry Tobi, it wasn't meant to be joo. Don't mind that woman. She used another company, her birthday pictures were trending". Little did she know that her friend got the client's contact on Instagram, sent the client a dm, telling her a million reasons why she shouldn't use her friends'catering business for her upcoming event. The client who didn't want to risk it, decided to use another vendor instead. Speaking of a frenemy, who shows all the care but harbors hatred and strikes when opportuned.

The divergence in reality and illusion...

The World Is Your Oyster

 Determination is often perceived as indispensable to success. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Being at a particular phase in one's life where you feel like something grand should be happening to you and it isn't, is dampening. Progress and prosperity are part of life and when you feel like you aren't getting enough of those, you might begin to wonder if dem dey follow you for your village lol
But it's okay not to win all the time. You might just be saved from some danger you know... You might wonder 'Why is that guy not responding to me?' 'Why am I not making as much money as my friend is?' 'Why does it feel like my life is stalled?' 'Why does my life not look like my friend Timi's own?' Seems like many questions, with little or no answers. What if Timi's life isn't as perfect as it looks and he admires the simplicity and realness of your life rather than his superfluous life that makes it hard for him to catch his breath.
I know it is hard to keep mum when it seems like your life is discouraging and unproductive. Do not renege in your efforts to achieving success and bliss nor wait for manna to fall from heaven as heaven helps those who help themselves. Take charge of your life but don't lose yourself while at it. I know of a friend who wanted something for herself so badly. She wanted to be a successful television presenter and she almost got it. She went for an interview in one of the top media firms in the country and everyone seemed to like her. The only flaw was that the person she was supposed to directly work with had a thing for her and the person was also a female! She didn't even try to be discreet about it but was rather outrightly aggressive in her approach." i cannot believe what happened to me today" "what happened?" " you remember the interview i told you about" "yeah, the media one, what about it?" "do you know that when i got there everyone was so nice and sweet" " haba, where is the problem in that now?" "I thought everything was so good to be true until one of the panelists in the interview called me later in the evening" "what's wrong in that" " she asked me to come to the office on Friday evening and when i got there, she told me that she needed to get something from her house and i could come with her; that was the biggest mistake ever!" " wait, hold on, i hope it isn't what i am thinking!!!" "she told me bluntly that she liked me and wanted us to be together after which she tried to touch me" "what!!!" "i pushed her away and gave her a piece of my mind and dashed out. i felt disrespected but was proud of myself" 'i am proud of you too girl, on top job, nawa" And that was the end of her media career in that company but not the end of her media career forever. She continued applying and got an offer in a bigger company.

In this part of the world, marriage is a big deal especially for the females. In the first year in the university, you do not feel the pressure from home, it's more or less like a walk in the park. At the beginning of the third year in school, pressure starts setting in especially from the mother and by final year all the aunties join in. And then you breathe, eat, walk, talk, and think marriage. What happens when you do not have anyone to take home; when you haven't found the right person that tickles your fancy. How about if all your mates from high school are married or your clique of friends are all taking turns to tie the knot, all but you!

You check your social media handle and the trending post is that of a classmate that was the 'quiet, unnoticed, queer, unfashionable, not so intelligent' one. Just that this time she is the life of the party, the fly, posh girl who has the dream job and has travelled to only places that you see in your dreams while asleep. You begin to reminisce on how you were the posh one back in school and how the tables have turned and life has unfairly treated you. Maybe at that point, you are struggling with a meagre salary that can barely afford you the good things of life you feel you deserve. It all seems disheartening right?

Life is replete with various circumstances. Sometimes it's rosy, other times it is bleak; but one thing is certain, it doesn't stay on one side forever. Life is full of dynamics and change is constant.
What would see you through periods of difficulty, obstacles, discouragement and delay is Perseverance! Perseverance alongside patience, would make you resolutely persistent and steadfast and give you the right strength to be tenacious till the dynamics of life change. It will keep you from giving in to the pangs that come with delay - denial, disregard, neglect, low self-esteem, worry, fear, uncertainty, you name it! Tell yourself a thousand and one reasons why it will work, why you are special and why you will not fail and I bet you will succeed.

Look at the bigger picture and raise your thoughts above your present circumstances, because believe it or not they are transient. But you have to believe so for it to come true. Holding to thoughts whether negative or positive would definitely materialise exactly that way for you so feed your thoughts with only positive vibes.

Remember to create a life you're passionate about as you only live once.
This world is your oyster, find the pearls!

Stalker Alert!

He walks up to you, you're trying to be polite. Mind you, you might be in a situation, maybe out of a broken relationship or struggling with self esteem, or something, because that is when one is most susceptible. He begins to talk to you, to meander himself into you and your zone, your world. Still, thanks to whatever it is your going through (although sometimes you don't necessarily have to go through anything), you will still try to be nice and accommodating. He then begins to think in his mind, " oh, she likes me, she's listening to me" and thus it propels him to continue. At some point, you begin to feel uneasy and from uneasiness, it might move to irritation. But still he doesn't stop.
Let's assume you're going somewhere, he begins to follow you, heading to your direction, still professing "love" for you! Before you know it, your irritation has blown out of proportion and probably bursted on his sorry face, then you go all ballistic!
I took time out to further research on stalking, where I got some interesting findings.
Firstly, what is stalking? It is an obsessive attention which leads to harassment,  (which may not be physical) as well as intimidation (which may not necessarily be to put down or suppress) but to overwhelm in an irritating and disgusting manner.
Stalking, includes following the victim around in person or monitoring her (in this case). Infact, virtually any unwanted contact between two people, that directly or indirectly communicates fear to one party(victim). Stalking is a form of mental assault in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwantedly, disruptively and persistently breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom he has no relationship with.

In "A Study of Stalkers" Mullen et all (2002), there are five (5) types of stalkers.

Rejected Stalkers who pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct or avenge rejection.

Resentful Stalkers who are motivated mainly by the desire to frighten and distress the victim.

Intimacy Seekers who seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim, and believe that they have found their long sought after soulmate. They also suffer from erotomania.

Incompetent Suitor whose victims are already in a dating relationship with someone else and then, they feel a sense of entitlement over their victim (as in the case of that J-Lo movie"The boy next door", y'all should see it!)

Predatory Stalkers who spy on their victim, in order to prepare, plan and attack them! (scary right!)

Well guys, please if you notice anyone with slight traces of stalker alert, or any of the above traces, pick your shoes, dust them and run!!!
Have you experienced anything close to being stalked?

Ready Get Set Go?

 It is lover's month and election too *whew* so, a lot of cuddling and all might go down. We all like a little hug and snuggle and if further a kiss, some touching and finally some *#! your guess is as good as mine... I'm sure some plans are already going down ahead of Val's day even though election is also then.
I'm left thinking, a lot of people will be busy voting and would not have time to hang out afterwards and maybe the celebration might have to be a night affair, if not all night *wink*.

Bisi is a promising Nigerian that believes in the power of her vote. She eagerly goes out to exercise her right. On getting to her polling unit, she meets a stringing queue.
She also has plans for Val's day. It would be her first together with her new boyfriend Tunji. They started dating a month earlier and have known for 3 months now. They are really into each other.
After a lot of waiting, shouting and pushing, she eventually casted her vote. Time had past a lot! She quickly got home, took a shower wore her 'new gown' she ordered online and headed to Tunji's place which was the best option according to him, as he felt all leisure spots would be choked, as people would be trooping in almost at the same time.

His house was clean as usual and quite exotic too as she had been there once, briefly. He uttered " baby, you look so sweet, I could just eat you up"  "thanks dear", she replied.
The night was approaching. They had a candle lit dinner prepared by him which was quite tasteful and some fine wine. They later watched tv, with him deciding to dance to entertain her, she laughed so hard because it was quite a sight. He then goes " baby I need to shower, I'm sweating ". He goes off, with her left watching tv, when she hears him call her name. She turns around and he is scantily clad in his towel with the most structured, gymed up, body she had ever seen! Before she could utter a word, he took it off. Stark naked in his full glory! He walks towards her, cups her face with his hands and kisses her tenderly. It sent shivers through her body, making her legs weak. He takes her hand and places it on his groin and pushes it down further making her feel his bulge. The kiss became intensely filled with passion, the touching became more persistent. The aura in the room filled with strong desire. He carried her like a baby to his room still kissing her and drops her on his king sized bed. Before she knew it, he was taking her zipper down. He quickly got his hands under her gown and was trying to take down her lingerie.
Bisi was enjoying this. Her body was responding to his touch like every girl would, but somewhere in her mind, she wasn't sure if she was ready for this. She loved him, or so she thought and felt he did same too. She was trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing, being that he is her boyfriend, and she is supposed to cater to his sexual need. But she still found herself doubtful...
She gently pushed him aside. " Tunji,my love, umm I don't think I'm ready for umm...for this..." "Baby what do you mean by that, I'm as hard as a rock, please dear my body is really yearning for this, pleaseee..." "I really want to, but I'm not too sure, I feel a bit restrained, do you understand me?" "No, no, at all I don't get you baby...I want to be inside you, I want to make you feel like a real woman.You be my babe now, who else I suppose go meet, don't worry, I'll make you ready I'll do somethings to your body, you will be amazed"
Bisi looked at the wall clock, it was pretty late, but she could still catch a cab if she left immediately...
She tried to stand up,he also got up and still tried to plead with her this time on bended knees "I really need this baby". His thing slightly lowered. She's left confused as she really loves him.

What should she do?