The Union Called Marriage...

"I take you, to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part"  These words are quite binding and deep. They mean that one has decided to commit oneself to another forever!

Welcome to Africa, where marriage is a huge deal. Ladies cannot wait to be married, parents cannot wait to plan their children's marriages. If you are approaching 30 as a girl with no marriage plans or potential suitors, something is clearly wrong with you! "Her village people are after her, instead of her to go to church, she's busy going for spa sessions" "She's making all the money in the world from her office, forgetting that her biological clock is ticking, which man would want to marry an overly successful woman sef ?" Those words turn to an anthem sung around ladies who fall into this category. Their mothers, running helter-skelter, planning, plotting, strategizing, trying to hook their marriageable daughters up to potential suitors. " mummy, good evening ma, how was your day?" "nne good evening, my day was good" " work nko?" "fine, my daughter, even though something funny happened to me some days back" "ehen, what happened"  Ada asked. "a guy approached me oh" "a guy? what for?" "yes a guy, he should be clearly in his 30's. he said he had noticed me a couple of times, during lunch break" Her mum was 57, but had the body of a 40 year old. She took good care of herself, dressed well, smelt nice. Needless to say, she was attractive to every age grade, even a 30 something year old man! "mum, he told you he had noticed you some couple of times, meaning he has been watching you.what if he's a stalker!" "no, my dear, he didn't seem like one. he's a nice person and we have been talking a lot. i have even invited him over to the house" "nawa oh, mr nice guy, no problem. can't wait to see this man sef who has been noticing you" Ada's mother was a widow who never remarried. She had 4 kids, with Ada as the first. She stayed true to her marital vows and even exceeded its limit -"till death do us part", as she clearly told her children, she was never going to get married.

Steve came over to their house after work. He seemed in his 30's like her mother said and also seemed vivacious and full of life. He was a divorcee without kids, who clearly wasn't strong enough to stand through the billows of the marital storm when it struck - 'for better for worse'
" Ada, please make something for Steve to eat, but first get him something to drink". Ada was a good cook, anyone who tasted her food always wanted more. She was quite homely, cheerful, a typical wife material and very beautiful. Steve kept coming back to to see her mother who was quite graceful, mature and very hospitable. "do you know what Steve told me today?" "what?" "he said that he would have loved to marry me if i wasn't older" "wow, he said that? this man really likes you oh" "he sure does, but i suggested something else instead" "suggested something else? what could that possibly be mummy" "umm, umm i suggested that he marries you instead..." Ada paused for a moment from what she was doing. "eh! for what now? but he likes you and he came for you first, besides i don't even know him, he isn't even my friend" "i know, my daughter but time would make things flourish, with time you would like him. besides he's from a good home, he will take care of you. he even promised that you will birth your children abroad!" She said all that with excitement in her voice. All of these didn't move Ada as she wasn't buying any of it. She was in her final year in the university and didn't want any distractions, besides she didn't out rightly like him. Maybe because of the method he came into her life, through her mother or maybe she felt she wasn't ready to get married at 21! To her mother, she was old enough though *side eye*
This went on for weeks back and forth, until her mother realised that it was a cul-de-sac pursuit and finally let it go. Steve also moved on, as he wasn't about to get entangled with a 57 year old widow with 4 kids. I just felt that her mother wanted to help, what do you think?

Martha was 34, she was going to be 35 in less than 2 weeks, she wasn't married, neither was she in a relationship. She had a toyboy though who was about 27.They were both in a 'situationship, lol. He was handsome, free spirited, without a bit of worry. How could he be worried, when he had a regular ATM- Martha, lol. She was comfortable, enough to go for vacations abroad, buy designers' apparels and had enough money to throw around her toyboy. Her parents and relatives were already on her neck, they needed her to get married! She was ready to marry him. She bought the ring and paid for the wedding. She was desperate to say those binding vows, to be addressed as Mrs, to have her own children fathered by one man, who in this case, was Mr. Toyboy, even though he was a lazy philanderer.
To Titi, marriage was a do-or-die affair. She was desperately desirous to get married as all her friends were married, even though she just clocked 27. It was a thing of not being left behind. Any man who was ready, was an eligible candidate for her despite any shortcomings. She just needed to get married!

Is this union called marriage causing people to go out of their way, just to get in? Isn't it about dates, butterflies, romantic walks and love? Is it now a despairing, last-gap, eleventh hour, do-or-die pursuit?