The Union Called Marriage...

"I take you, to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part"  These words are quite binding and deep. They mean that one has decided to commit oneself to another forever!

Welcome to Africa, where marriage is a huge deal. Ladies cannot wait to be married, parents cannot wait to plan their children's marriages. If you are approaching 30 as a girl with no marriage plans or potential suitors, something is clearly wrong with you! "Her village people are after her, instead of her to go to church, she's busy going for spa sessions" "She's making all the money in the world from her office, forgetting that her biological clock is ticking, which man would want to marry an overly successful woman sef ?" Those words turn to an anthem sung around ladies who fall into this category. Their mothers, running helter-skelter, planning, plotting, strategizing, trying to hook their marriageable daughters up to potential suitors. " mummy, good evening ma, how was your day?" "nne good evening, my day was good" " work nko?" "fine, my daughter, even though something funny happened to me some days back" "ehen, what happened"  Ada asked. "a guy approached me oh" "a guy? what for?" "yes a guy, he should be clearly in his 30's. he said he had noticed me a couple of times, during lunch break" Her mum was 57, but had the body of a 40 year old. She took good care of herself, dressed well, smelt nice. Needless to say, she was attractive to every age grade, even a 30 something year old man! "mum, he told you he had noticed you some couple of times, meaning he has been watching you.what if he's a stalker!" "no, my dear, he didn't seem like one. he's a nice person and we have been talking a lot. i have even invited him over to the house" "nawa oh, mr nice guy, no problem. can't wait to see this man sef who has been noticing you" Ada's mother was a widow who never remarried. She had 4 kids, with Ada as the first. She stayed true to her marital vows and even exceeded its limit -"till death do us part", as she clearly told her children, she was never going to get married.

Steve came over to their house after work. He seemed in his 30's like her mother said and also seemed vivacious and full of life. He was a divorcee without kids, who clearly wasn't strong enough to stand through the billows of the marital storm when it struck - 'for better for worse'
" Ada, please make something for Steve to eat, but first get him something to drink". Ada was a good cook, anyone who tasted her food always wanted more. She was quite homely, cheerful, a typical wife material and very beautiful. Steve kept coming back to to see her mother who was quite graceful, mature and very hospitable. "do you know what Steve told me today?" "what?" "he said that he would have loved to marry me if i wasn't older" "wow, he said that? this man really likes you oh" "he sure does, but i suggested something else instead" "suggested something else? what could that possibly be mummy" "umm, umm i suggested that he marries you instead..." Ada paused for a moment from what she was doing. "eh! for what now? but he likes you and he came for you first, besides i don't even know him, he isn't even my friend" "i know, my daughter but time would make things flourish, with time you would like him. besides he's from a good home, he will take care of you. he even promised that you will birth your children abroad!" She said all that with excitement in her voice. All of these didn't move Ada as she wasn't buying any of it. She was in her final year in the university and didn't want any distractions, besides she didn't out rightly like him. Maybe because of the method he came into her life, through her mother or maybe she felt she wasn't ready to get married at 21! To her mother, she was old enough though *side eye*
This went on for weeks back and forth, until her mother realised that it was a cul-de-sac pursuit and finally let it go. Steve also moved on, as he wasn't about to get entangled with a 57 year old widow with 4 kids. I just felt that her mother wanted to help, what do you think?

Martha was 34, she was going to be 35 in less than 2 weeks, she wasn't married, neither was she in a relationship. She had a toyboy though who was about 27.They were both in a 'situationship, lol. He was handsome, free spirited, without a bit of worry. How could he be worried, when he had a regular ATM- Martha, lol. She was comfortable, enough to go for vacations abroad, buy designers' apparels and had enough money to throw around her toyboy. Her parents and relatives were already on her neck, they needed her to get married! She was ready to marry him. She bought the ring and paid for the wedding. She was desperate to say those binding vows, to be addressed as Mrs, to have her own children fathered by one man, who in this case, was Mr. Toyboy, even though he was a lazy philanderer.
To Titi, marriage was a do-or-die affair. She was desperately desirous to get married as all her friends were married, even though she just clocked 27. It was a thing of not being left behind. Any man who was ready, was an eligible candidate for her despite any shortcomings. She just needed to get married!

Is this union called marriage causing people to go out of their way, just to get in? Isn't it about dates, butterflies, romantic walks and love? Is it now a despairing, last-gap, eleventh hour, do-or-die pursuit?

Wild Emotions

Emotions are like running waters. Sometimes it is still and other times blustery. Most times, if not all the time, it is triggered by outside events that we have allowed to penetrate into us. But we are only human; each day is replete with new circumstances that crop up to either torment, depress, threaten, scare or gladden us. So how do we cope when our emotions start running wild. What do we do when we feel like we don't know what to do?

I remember one fine day months back, i had a bad day at work. I was supposed to go to the salon on my way from work as the weekend was the next day. I felt it, my emotions were running wild. They were boiling like a volcano ready to erupt! I tried to calm myself down, or maybe i didn't try hard enough. I went ballistic on a man older than me and he threw a punch at me! When I saw his hand approaching my face, all I thought about was my nose and my teeth, lol! Luckily for me, people beside me held back his clenched fist *whew*

Lola was quite gentle. She was the nicest and most helpful person, always going out of her way to do things for others; always pushing herself in most cases to make sure the other person was quite satiated. She wasn't doing it for the accolades or good name, but it was who she was, a people pleaser. At home, everyone knew her as the peacemaker, the one who was willing to sacrifice and go the extra mile. I was drawn to her tranquillity, ambience and willingness to give rather than receive. I went visiting her in her parents house, where she lived along side her siblings. " baby girl what's up" " I dey jare" " You're looking dull, what's wrong" " I' ve just been sad ,i feel exhausted" "What's draining you?" " Work and all" "Just that? That means we would all have been shadows of ourselves in this naija na" " It's not just that, my family members are now taking me for a ride" Her phone rings and i could tell a guy asked her out for a hangout. I eavesdropped in their conversation but all I could hear was her excuses about how she had to cater to everybody at home and wouldn't be able to make it. I didn't even have the opportunity to talk to her about how her family members were taking her for a ride or why she turned down a hangout with various excuses at 29 before i heard her mothers' voice.
"Lola, i am hungry oh. You haven't swept and mopped the whole house, fed the dog, washed my car, wiped the dishes and kept in the cupboard and arranged your brother's clothes that are scattered. I felt a lot of mosquitoes last night flying across the room, I think you need to sweep the gutter as well, Ose okomi" I stood in anticipation, my eyes almost bulging from its sockets, my ears itchy, waiting to hear her response. "Okay ma", she responded in an exhausted manner. I stood there wondering why my friend was turned into a household robot to do everything at home when she had 5 other siblings. Whatever happened to division of labour! She went on like an obedient child and started out the chores and eventually when she couldn't take it, she bursted out. "I do everything in this house, i don't have time for myself! All you all do is wait for me to come back and do whatsoever is meant to be done. Look at me, i am going to be 30 next week, i don't have a boyfriend to call my own! I'm either scrubbing the floor, cooking, washing clothes, or doing something all day!"  Before I could even say anything, i saw my friend rush over towards the television set hung on the wall and like a flash of lightning, the television was on the floor, scattered in pieces. She didn't stop there she went further to scatter some pictures hung on the wall and she was heading for my phone that i plugged into a socket, mehn i quickly rushed to salvage the situation, lol. I had never seen my friend like that, ever. It was like I was seeing a reincarnated being, it was surreal. Words cannot fully explain how her countenance was, her eyes, her mannerism, her voice. Then i realised emotions are quite powerful, domineering if given a chance.

When I got home I laid on my bed, thinking out loud. I wondered why we couldn't be happy all the time and why someone would deliberately go out of their way to raise the emotional level of others negatively. Why the world couldn't be a better place with each passing day. Why there is so much jealousy, envy, hate and spite, despite the fact that we are all looking for solace, with the break of a new day. I decided to look deeper into how our emotions work.
Emotions are complex. According to some theories, they are a state of feeling that results in physical and psychological changes that influence our behaviour. They are also linked to the arousal of the nervous system, with various states and strengths of arousal, relating apparently to emotions. Emotions are also linked to behavioural tendency. Extroverted people are more likely to be social and express their emotions, while introverted people are more likely to be more socially withdrawn and conceal their emotions.(I guess my friend is under this category)

Emotions are quite powerful and most times our emotions range from fear to anger, sadness, joy, disgust, trust, anticipation and surprise. When your emotions run wild especially negative emotions, how do you curtail it.
Have you ever done anything surreal, spontaneous, crazy or downright unbelievable due to wild emotions?